Sunday Sketches: Stand Firm. We are Capable of Amazing Things
Today was an interesting day at church. I was again astounded by the fact that the message I received had nothing to do with what the actual series is about. I seem to get more from the worship before the message and I am loving that!
One of the song’s was about a person’s decision to follow Jesus, no turning back. Although I definitely agree with everything Jesus stood for and accomplished, I am still at a point with my faith were I am questioning. Full transparency—more angry and confused than questioning, but that I will share at a different time.
It seems that every time we attend a service, I am being encouraged to keep going, continue my journey, not be discouraged and know that it will work out. Despite my current beliefs, you cannot deny the change of spirit I have had since we chose to attend Lighthouse Church. I am reinvigorated, confident and pursuing dreams that in the past I locked away. I am not saying that I owe everything to our search of faith, I know that there has been many people scattered throughout my life these past few years that seemed to lead up to this. But that brings into question: this is a higher universal power pushing and pulling us to live our truth? (Wow things just got really deep—I need another cup of coffee.)
The other thing that I took from the message was something I hadn’t thought of before. I have heard the saying “To love someone is a choice” but I have never related this idea to internal strength. I then remember an article I read by Ashley Hamer a while back about The Navy Seal 40% Rule. I would encourage you to read this article because it also goes into the science behind the saying—yes, I am a little bit of a nerd when it comes to anything with human development.
I think being a military spouse this resonated with me for obvious reasons but as an artist it impacted me unexpectedly. Many don’t realize that when you go to an Art School program, especially a Bachelor of Fine Arts program, your classes are three hours long twice a week. You take about two or three of those as well as your required Math/Science/English and are expected to put it equal amount of time on your homework. So that means, if you have two studio classes at three hours twice a week, that’s twelve hours worth of homework that you are expected to spend at a minimum. And if you are in a program like the one I got into, you are one of maybe 15 at a maximum so it is very apparent when you are slacking.
The somewhat emotionally scarring part of any art program are the critiques. This is where you put up all the work that you have been creating in front of your class and anyone can say the likes/dislikes/wtf were you thinking that looks like sh*t comments about what you spent hours making. There is an unspoken critique etiquette where you are respectful and say a positive before a negative. Most of the time this is what happens—and then there are times where it doesn’t and you just have to take it. Part of tearing you down is so that you get a thick skin. You need a thick skin to be a creative and in a sense a successful human being. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have moments where I got through a bad critique, choked back tears until I got outside the art building and cried on the phone to my mommy.
Art School was the hardest thing I had done prior to becoming a Military Wife and Mother. I remember many times that I was consumed by negative thoughts, heart wrenching defeat and insecurity. There were also a whole bunch of personal issues at the time happening that heightened everything. There were days where I was lucky to even get out of bed, let alone make it to class and be creative. But you know what, I DID get up. I DID put myself out there. I DID graduate. I WILL continue to be successful at this art thing because it is apart of me. I now fully understand that this is what I am meant to do and that I will be able to help others with my artistic ability.
For those who are struggling with getting up again, feeling so small that you can’t push through the weight of what’s around you, I am here to say you’re only 40% done. When your mind is lying to you filling your life with lies about what you are actually capable of, KEEP GOING. We can do this. We are capable of amazing things.